im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
