honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
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Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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