You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
