life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
