I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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