how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
