went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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