a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
