sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
