I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
