I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
