You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
FUCK WHALES
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
