the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
the liver wants what the liver wants
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
