How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
