You just made me feel so damn special
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
