Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
