i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
