So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
