Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
