So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
