Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
