I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
