The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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