somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
