so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
