i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
