Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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