There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
