There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
