so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
third nipple confirmed
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
