I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Randomize
