When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
