no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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