I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
