I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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