Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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