i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
