All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
