If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
