i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
