I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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