Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
