He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
