she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
