Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
this will be a night to untag.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
