btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
