i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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