she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
