Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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