I'm gonna have a badass scar
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
