If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
