everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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