i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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