they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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