happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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