Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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