woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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