Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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