We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?