I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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