I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
