you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
