glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
