sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
