don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
