Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
