Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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