Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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