How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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