why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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