so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
