She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
